*This is going to be extremely long & probably boring so if you’re not interested skip it!
So yesterday I had another “freak-out” at work. When I get super-stressed I tend to start shutting down as I can feel the world collapse around me. I don’t normally know how to handle these types of things so what I do is either cry, become extremely angry and frustrated or become very indifferent, pushing away those around me. The thing that did it yesterday? Being a week behind on email and having people question what I gave them on a monitoring. Rather normal & mundane things actually, now that I think about it.
It was so bad that I actually LEFT WORK EARLY!!! I haven’t done that in the almost 11 months I’ve been at MMHFC. When I got home I felt guilty for leaving & for not being able to handle my stress. I mean everyone at work is stressed, I know that. Why should I get to leave early to deal with it when others don’t? If others did I would be mad at them, so logically I was now mad at myself.
Last night Tom & I went to Barnes and Noble. I was looking for a book more about mental illness, trying to figure out why I’m so hard on myself & I why I take on more than I can handle. I never, in a kabillion years, expected to come home with a book on A.D.D. in the workplace. Yes, this is another A.D.D. post, but to my credit you haven’t seen one since January 2003 so I deserve one.
I was actually shocked to discover that this seems to be the root of all of my work problems. I mean, take these snippets for instance:
“Do you always assume, in all situations, that you are to blame for all problems? Conversely, do you always find fault with the person doing the criticizing, thus defending yourself against hurt?”
“With ADD, temper explosions & impulsive behavior are commonplace due to an inability to delay action until thinking about a situation, coupled, with a flood of hurt feelings from hypersensitivity. Angry feelings are likely to result as a defense against feeling helpless, fearful & frustrated.”
“Fear that you will not reach a goal creates a sense of powerlessness.”
“The worst part about the distractibility associated with ADD is that there is no warning that it is about to happen.”
“It has little to do with whether you intend to pay attention, and that is extremely hard to understand for people who are not distractable.”
“The ability to respond quickly, with little or no preparation, to any situation is an asset of being an experiential learner (as most ADDers are - Experiential learner means we learn by doing). You create alternative solutions to problems and find new ways to improve the way things are done. Pathfinders always work in this way.”
I also learned that I have “Outwardly Expressive ADD”. Apparently there are 3 different kinds & by reading the description this is so me:
“You are outgoing, active, and expressive. You act out your feelings. Your desires, hopes, and dreams are expressed openly. Almost everything about those with Outwardly Expressive ADD is obvious to other people. If you have a lot of this type of ADD, you will be in motion much of the time. Bouncing off the walls at work, running circles around everyone else, or tapping your fingers and jiggling your feet - or finding that same foot in your mouth at inpportune moments — earns you the label of OE.
On the go until the day is done, you may stop only to fall asleep or become a couch potato in front of the TV. It is as if you are unable to take a moderate course. At any given moment, you give life all or nothing. Powerful & easily seen, your energy may burst out as a temper tantrum. Impulsively doing something, anything, you definitely don’t hide your actions.
Though your sensitivity is every bit as great as anyone else’s, the way you display it may be by pretending not to care - or by caring dramatically, by suffering & complaining loudly.”
The good thing is that it went on to say OE ADDers are entrepreneurial by nature, so that bodes well for my business! I also have a little “Inwardly Directed ADD” in me:
“You jump to conclusions in your mind, or you fear that you’ll forget what you want to say if you don’t immediately jump into a conversation - such problems plague people with IDADD… Your impulsivity may come out in the form of buying things for your business without having a plan for their use… Your acute sensitivity coupled with a tendency to not speak up can lead to pouting, depression, and withdrawal… Often you will find you are a good listener, helper, and friend… The biggest difficulties for you to watch out for usually involve paperwork and details.”
“The most natural way for someone with ADD to think of the time involved in a conversation is by noticing what’s being talked about, not how much time has passed.”
“One of the ways people with OE ADD learn to manage time and make use of their ADD is by waiting until the last minute to prepare for whatever they are doing.”
“Setting clocks ahead, a favorite suggestion of people who do not have ADD, does not work for those with ADD. “I know I set them ahead so my mind adjusts for the difference. I know it’s a game.”"
“Don’t hesitate to ask people to help you stay on task or give you a reminder to get going. Be sure you respond to the reminder & thank the person.”
“For many people with ADD, there are so many things to keep track of that it is overwhelming to consider getting organized, much less staying organized.”
“Your brain doesn’t allow you to look at pieces of paper, tools, or other things in an orderly manner… You could be distracted as you’re on your way to putting something away, and it just gets left, probably in the place nearest to where you were standing when you needed to use that hand for something else.”
“Because placing things in prearranged places is not natural for you, trying to figure out what to do with a particular paper or tool may take a lot of time - so much time that you forget what you’re doing, quit looking for a place to put the item because you feel confused, or throw it down on a pile out of frustration.”
“If your coworkers know you have ADD and understand what that means, they might realize how much difficulty you have with sustained listening. Once they are aware of that they will know they cannot automatically assume you have heard and processed what was said. it would be in their best interests to check with you and ask directly whether or not you heard thier comments or directions.”
ADDers have the Uh-Huh syndrome. We tend to say “uh-huh” even if we haven’t fully heard or processed what was just said to us.
“You may often appear to be listening and say “uh-huh” not because you are lying but because you superficially hear someone saying something to you. Being a people pleaser, you nod and say “uh-huh” as if you took in the message… It’s a good idea to talk to your coworkers and explain this situation to them. I tell people, “Please be sure I’ve really heard what you want, because I don’t want to do let you down.”
“People pleasing is a major problem for people with ADD. The reason behind it is quite understandable; having been told that the way you do things is wrong or noticing that the way you do things is often different from others, you may have grown to feel very inadequate and unacceptable.”
“Because people with ADD often have had may experiences with failure, they may begin to assume that they will always be wrong and everyone else will always be right. That assumption influences the way in which they communicate with people.”
“You “just feel what to do in your gut,” or you simply have a sense that such-and-such is wrong with the person, machine, or drawing. Later you confirm that sense by going through generally agreed-upon steps to “prove” your position. But the reality may be that you knew the correct answer using your intuition. And you also secretly know that intuition is seldom, if ever, wrong.”
“If a person with ADD isn’t comfortable with what his coworker is saying in a particular conversation, he might automatically discount everything else that person says or does. The person with ADD would probably not initiate a dialogue to try to discover why differences exist or what they are about.”
“Taking on too much work - so that you don’t really get anything done well, or done at all - is a major error made by people with ADD.”
“You may be afraid to say no for fear of displeasing someone, but you need to know that you will actually gain people’s respect if you set realistic limits on what you can and cannot do.”
So, that’s what I got out of 80 pages last night. Not too bad for that 2 hours of reading! At one point I actually started crying because I was so relieved that I knew what was wrong with me!! I wanted to write this lady a letter and thank her for making me feel better! Throughout the book there is positive reinforcement and the back even has tips lists to refer to so I don’t have to keep reading all the highlighted parts! I swear it looks like my highlighter puked all over my book.
Here are the tips for OE ADDers (just so I can refer to them later):
1. Give yourself plenty of room to roam and move about.
2. Let yourself be expressive
3. Watch out that your exuberance doesn’t overwhelm others.
4. When you’re excited about something, be careful that you don’t get tricked into thinking others can keep up with you.
5. Leave time to play. You need it.
6. Make changes, but stay in control of when and how you make them.
7. Find someone to help you plan and structure your life (MICHELLE??!!)
8. Sometimes listen and learn from others.
9. Don’t be afraid to follow your dreams, even when they are big ones.
10. Strongly consider going into business for yourself, with clerical and planning support.
Some of the tips for ID ADDers:
* Be cautious about getting so immersed in what you love to do that you don’t see what’s happening around you.
*Be sure to speak up for what you want (get help if you need it)
*Know when to say no.
So basically I would like to kiss the feet of Lynn Weiss, Ph.D. for writing this book. It just may save my life!
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