Loony Bin? Yes, come pick me up please.

I am slowly but surely convincing myself that my husband doesn’t love me. I don’t know why I’m doing it, but I am. If he doesn’t touch my hand when passing by me in the kitchen…if he doesn’t offer me a soda when he should know I’m thirsty…if he throws in my face one more time that he has to do something because I didn’t do it…….irrational? Perhaps, but I still find these thoughts taking over my brain. I don’t know what to do to stop them. When he asks what’s wrong I either say nothing, or I push the issue until he insinuates the ridiculousness of it all, then I get offended and change the subject.

I know he’s not a flowers & huggy type person and frankly, if someone was hanging on me 24/7 it would get on my last. damn. nerve. And therein lies the ironicness (is that even a word?) of it all. I want him near, but not too near. I want attention, but not too much attention. I want romance, but not too much romance. I want the fairy tale, but only on my terms.

I realize I’m damn, damn lucky to be married. I mean let’s face it, I’m on the crazy side. I’m damn, damn lucky I’ve been with someone for 10 years (this July 20) who’s still with me at all. Someone I haven’t completely forced to run for the hills. I don’t know what to do to make these thoughts go away, I really don’t. Does anyone out there have any ideas? And don’t say “sex” because we do, well, we’ll just save that story for another day. Just don’t say it.